The 27th Victim of Sandy Hook

We need to remember that there were more than 26 victims of Sandy Hook.

There is something so sad about Nancy Lanza. By all accounts she was a delightful, engaged woman. 

We can only speculate about a lot of things. We dont know why her marriage fell apart. We dont know how hard it was caring for a son with mental illness, who you love dearly. We dont know how afraid she was living alone. We dont know if she got any family support. Did she get any community, school or religious support?

It is so hard being a single person in America. It is especially hard being a single woman. A single mom told how, on a winter night, she locked herself out of her car, in a not very safe parking lot. Who to call? Anyone there to jump in a car and bring the extra key?

The social invitations, just when most needed, dry up. Many married women are afraid to keep a newly single (widowed or divorced) woman in their group of couples/friends... for fear that they may lose their husband.

Besides the difficulties of daily living alone... the loneliness. The wanting to share the stories of the day with someone. Wanting to ask for advice on what to do. Wanting a warm body to snuggle with on a cold night. Wanting to feel safe. Yes, wanting to make love... wanting the closeness.

No matter how remarkable and extraordinary she is, it is extremely hard for a woman to teach a boy how to become a man, especially a kind and empathetic man who respects women.

We need to remember that there were more than 26 victims at Sandy Hook, especially we need to keep the 1 st victim, Nancy Lanza, in our thoughts and prayers. We need to honor the single people in our lives, and include them more in our lives. We need to remember how overwhelming it is to have mental illness in loved ones.

Please take take the time to read, "I am Adam Lanza's Mother."

This post is contributed by a community member. The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Patch Media Corporation. Everyone is welcome to submit a post to Patch. If you'd like to post a blog, go here to get started.

Maxx Hawke December 29, 2012 at 05:42 AM
Robin, here is the link for fellow readers... 'I Am Adam Lanza's Mother': A Mom's Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America. http://thebluereview.org/i-am-adam-lanzas-mother/
Dr. Robin Appleby December 29, 2012 at 12:45 PM
Thank you Mr. Hawke Mr. Yancy gave an excellent talk last night and well worth the time (2 hours including questions). He is speaking tonight at 5 pm (with childcare)...all are welcome and speaking Sunday morning.
Dr. Robin Appleby December 29, 2012 at 01:07 PM
In a crisis like Sandy Hook, Virg. Tech, Columbine.....what is the best thing to say ?.....usually a simple, "I'm sorry" is about the best and only thing. There is really nothing to say which will help much. You dont have to DO anything. One woman wanted to make jam for every family..... Mr. Yancy said that 60,000 teddy bears is probably enough. The DOING is often to make US feel better....like we did something. It's NOT the time to start pushing agendas.....banning guns, prayer in the school, gay marriage......it's just a time for prayer. Just BEING there (silently) is usually the best. BEING at the hospital (Mrs. Yancy is a hospice chaplain). LISTENING. More LISTENING. When asking victims later who was the most helpful...Grandmothers came out on top. It wasn't what they said......Grandmothers just were THERE.....in the background....listening...PRAYING....BEING. Town, like countries, when hit by disasters like mass murder, tsunamis, earthquakes, civil wars, etc. have 2 choices. Some continue a downward spiral and sink into a terrible situation. Some are able to come together and rebuild. Some are able to overcome the tragedy. Mr. Yancy hopes that Newtown will not be remembered for the terrible tragedy..but for how it eventually became better.
Steven DeVaux December 31, 2012 at 04:46 PM
With the determination that Mrs. Lanza's weapons were locked up why exactly do people feel that Mrs. Lanza is at fault? Didn't the abject failure of the school social workers over the years contribure significantly to Adam Lanza's condition as much as the mother who was forced to remove him from public schools when they failed to successfully address the issue?


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