The Powers-That-Be

Saint Joseph is my good buddy. Our relationship began about a year ago. Hearing that my home was being placed on the market, a dear friend suggested that I bury a plastic Saint Joe in my yard. You see, Saint Joseph has an 'in' with the powers-that-are when it comes to selling real estate.

One can purchase a small statue of Saint Joseph and accompanying prayers and directions. My home was in a condominium complex, so I choose to follow the instructions well after darkness had set in. (Shoveling, praying, chanting and sprinkling Holy water in the community flower bed may not have been well received by my neighbors.)

I incorporated this virtuous One into my daily prayers, and felt confident that my condo would sell quickly. Months passed. More months passed. Had I not followed the burying format correctly? Had a scavenging squirrel absconded with my dear Saint Joe? God forbid, had my past near-do-wells finally caught up with me so that even a Saintly intervention wasn't helping?

Watching the local television weather one day, I listened as Meteorologist Scot Haney told of his Saint Joseph/home sale story. Scot followed the placement instructions diligently. Upon the sale of his house, he correctly went to retrieve his icon. [Note* One can not go wrong in the Lord's eyes by digging up, cleaning, and placing Saint Joseph in a place of honor. After all, your home has been purchased during a recession that is showing home sales at an all-time low!]

Mr. Haney apparently did not know his own strength. He managed to pop Saint Joseph's head off in the excavating process.

Would that then mean his buyer would renig on their agreement? Would a hurricane drop a tree on the roof of his home moments before the closing?

Ah, no. Saint Joseph is kind, generous and above all, forgiving. Scot's sale went through as planned and he and his two, (six, fourteen?) cats are settled into their new digs.

I, on the other hand, could not recall where I had buried Saint Joe in the garden. When my condo sold- no thanks to a patient and competent realtor, Cathy Westervelt- I had to search in the daylight. "What's ya doing?" my neighbor asked. "Just looking for my Saint," I answered...

Clean and shinny, my plastic Saint Joseph has joined other meaningful religious relics on a table in my bedroom. I thank him often.

I'm wondering...who is the Patron Saint of Lapsed Appliance Warranties?